dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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