Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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