Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He did a backflip because drugs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
