Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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