is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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