you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
