dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
