By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
