So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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