i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
