hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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