i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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