airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
