Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
