I am puke
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
