dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
