I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize