I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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