My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
