I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
