Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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