What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
