You made me cry and you don't even care
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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