Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
