did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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