i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
