I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
