I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
