just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
