Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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