I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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