Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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