Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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