Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
