areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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