i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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