This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize