So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
