the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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