he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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