is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
