a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
