____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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