batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
