he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
