It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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