I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize