Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
