Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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