in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm like, not good at living.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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