started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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