I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
