Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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