dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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