i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
