i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
