I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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