haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
