Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
