You smell like a Billy Joel song
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize