I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
