forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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