Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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