we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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