in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
