The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
