I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
