booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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