I think i sorta joined a cult last night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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