nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
