He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
