dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
