You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
