it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
