Just took my morning after pill in the library
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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