but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
